Are you watching too much porn?
You’re up late and watching porn again. It helps you fall asleep. It started off as a few times a week but now it is a nightly thing. You wonder... Is this normal?
A recent Profile of Pornography Users revealed most men (84%) and half of women (54%) in Australia have looked at pornographic material. While 76% of males and 41% of women had looked at pornographic material in the past year. So generally speaking, watching porn is definitely the norm.
But what’s considered a normal amount of porn to watch is different for everyone. Some people watch porn once a month, others once a week, and some once a day. Whether you watch it alone or with your partner, porn can be a healthy part of your sex life.
However, when watching porn gets in the way of other areas of your life — relationships, family, finances, career, mental and physical health — it might be worth exploring the impact of your habit.
What is porn addiction?
Porn addiction is the excessive use of pornographic material to gratify various sexual urges and activities, such as masturbation. A porn addict feels a loss of control but keeps engaging in these behaviours despite negative effects on their life.
A recent study described three factors of porn addiction: impaired control (craving, inability to decrease behavior), impairment (loss of interests outside porn), and risky use (inability to stop despite damaging psychological effects).
Porn addiction is more about the relationship with the activity and the thoughts surrounding it, rather than how much the addict is watching.
Consider these two examples:
TOM - Tom watches porn most nights before he goes to sleep. He doesn't have a partner so this is his sexual release. Tom doesn't feel guilt or shame about his nightly routine, nor does he think much about it until he gets into bed.
DAN - Dan watches porn once a day, too. But unlike Tom, he constantly thinks about it. Dan finds himself searching for porn to watch at work, and sometimes ends up masturbating in the toilet while watching it. He feels bad that he can’t control himself.
Even though Dan and Tom are watching porn once a day, you can see their relationship with it is different. When watching porn is getting in the way of your everyday life, like it is for Dan, this is generally a sign that an unhealthy relationship has formed.
When is it time to get help?
If you’re feeling concerned with the amount of porn you’re watching, that’s generally a good indication something might be amiss. Here are some other signs:
You’re spending hours online searching for porn and watching it
You find the amount of time you spend watching porn is increasing
You experience a high when watching porn and a low when you’re not
You’re constantly having sexual fantasies
You can’t stop thinking about watching porn or planning your next session
You’re worried about how much porn you’re watching
You feel like your porn habit is getting in the way of your life e.g. watching porn when you should be working, or losing sleep because you’re staying up late to watch porn
You find sex with your partner boring compared to porn
Your partner is concerned with how much porn you’re watching and/or you’re worried your partner will find out about how much you’re watching
You make promises to yourself or your partner that you will stop, and find yourself unable to
You have lost interest in being sexually intimate with your partner and would rather watch porn
How therapy helps
There can be quite a lot of shame around addiction, and many addicts feel reluctant to get help. But a good therapist will work hard to create an environment where you feel comfortable and safe to talk about your issues without judgment.
Therapy is a way for you to understand yourself better and get to the root of what drives your addiction. This knowledge helps you uncover problematic thought patterns that contribute to the addiction. Without this awareness, it is hard to change.
You will be able to learn strategies to overcome your addiction outside of the sessions, with tools for coping with life stresses and triggers.
If you have come to counselling because you want to deal with your addiction and are ready to make some changes, then the process can begin. It takes time and dedication to overcome, but it is possible.
What can you do now?
Before you commit to therapy, you might be eager to try some things at home first.
Making notes
Try noting down what you're feeling each time you're tempted to engage with porn. Make an effort to pause, sit down and write down the thoughts going through your head. This way you can start to get an understanding of your triggers. It also helps to break the impulsiveness of the activity.
Reconnecting with pleasurable activities
Addiction can overtake our lives and stop us from doing enjoyable activities. Think about something you used to love doing eg. drawing, playing a musical instrument, reading or playing sports. Even if you don’t feel like it, try and build one of these activities back into your life.
Reaching out
Shame feeds on secrecy. When we keep a secret from others, it feeds the shame and compels us towards the destructive behaviour even more. Is there someone you could tell about your addiction? Even if it’s an online forum or support group, sharing your secret will likely be a huge relief.
Are you looking for porn addiction therapy in Perth?
I can help. Get in touch.